I Don't Have To Wonder
by kinseyjo
Summary: She said he was too late. Now what? Rated for language...


_**A/N: Basically a continuation of One Promise Too Late, this time from Elliot's point of view. Garth Brooks I Don't Have To Wonder is the song.**_

**Disclaimer: Only my overactive imagination belongs to me.**

You're too late… her words kept ringing in my head. I knew they'd haunt me forever. I knew I'd wake up from them rattling around in my brain in the middle of the night. I shouldn't have done it. I never should have gone to the church. I loved her too much to put her in that position. But I had. I can't imagine what she thought when I drove up. We talked. She told me she'd already married Langan – they'd eloped to Hawaii because she was stressed. Christ. She could run down a perp with the best of them, knowing her life might hang in the balance, but planning a wedding to a slimy bastard like Trevor Langan stressed her out. I knew exactly why she was stressed. I know her better than she knows herself. She was stressed because she knew marrying him was a mistake. I had told her as much. She knew it in her heart. When she went in, I debated going in and when the preacher asked for objections I'd say that I loved her.

_Drove to the church  
In my suit and tie  
But I just couldn't bring myself  
To go inside_

But I'd never do that to her. I would never embarrass her to put my own happiness ahead of hers. Even though I knew that prick wouldn't make her as happy as I could. Or would. So instead I walked back to my car. I sat there through the ceremony, torturing myself by imagining what was going on in the church, watching the chauffer chain smoke by the back door of the limo.

She'd looked so beautiful. The huge red silk hibiscus in her hair – probably a souvenir from their real wedding in Hawaii. Even with tears streaming down her face as I broke her heart (and mine), she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.

_So I sat alone  
In my truck across the street  
Watched that chauffeur smokin' cigarettes  
By that long white limousine_

I could just imagine  
What was goin' on in there  
Sunlight screamin' through the stained glass  
And those flowers in her hair

Before I knew it, the church bells were clanging and Olivia Langan was walking out the front door with her new husband. She _looked_ genuinely happy -- to the untrained spectator -- that toothy grin I'd fallen in love with so long ago spread across her face – but her smile didn't reach her eyes like it did when she smiled at me. She turned around and tossed her bouquet over her shoulder. Her best friend Alex caught it and they laughed like the giggly girls I knew them to be. She looked up after a minute and met my eyes. I didn't quite know what to do. She was obviously determined to do this, so I just drove away.

_And in less time than it takes a tear to fall  
Those bells rang loud as thunder  
As they opened up the doors  
Now I don't have to wonder anymore_

Laughin' and a cryin'  
Tossin' that bouquet  
And when you got in that limo  
I drove off the other way

I drove for a while until I got to Central Park. There was a small pond there I'd taken her to once. She'd had a shitty day and was pissed off. I'd found the pond one afternoon when I was going for a walk to clear my head and cool off my temper. I'd known as soon as I'd seen it that she would love it. My little reformed tree-hugger. When I took her there a couple months later, I'd been right. She loved it.

I parked in the closest space, dropped a couple coins in the meter and jogged across the street to the park. I wandered in circles for awhile before I stumbled across the pond.

_And I still don't know  
Why things happened like they did  
But I parked that old pickup  
On that lonesome river bridge_

I pulled the ring I'd bought her out of my pocket. Crazy, huh? Couldn't even work up the balls to ask her out on a proper date. Hell, I'd waited until her wedding day to another man to tell her I loved her, but here I was wandering around with a fucking diamond in my pocket. Pathetic.

I held the ring between my thumb and forefinger by its platinum band and looked over the setting. Two yellow canary diamonds on either side of a carat diamond. None of the diamonds were flawless, but they were all beautiful. Just like my Olivia. I stared at the ring a little longer, trying to picture it on her hand in place of Langan's ring. I could see it as clearly as if she were standing right there with me. Not what I needed. I tossed the ring into the pond and watched it sink. It took my heart right along with it.

_I took your ring from my pocket  
An d I held it one last time  
Watched that diamond sparkle  
I drew back and I let her fly_

And in less time than it takes to tear to fall  
Oh that old ring went under  
Lord, and now it's gone for sure  
No and I don't have to wonder anymore

Well the angels sang like thunder  
As I felt myself go under  
Now I don't have to wonder anymore

_**A/N: Whadja think? I know that last verse makes it sound like he killed himself, but I couldn't do that to our Elliot! I've been thinking about doing this story for awhile and I like how it works with the other one. As always, R&R but save the flames! XO, Kinsey**_


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